What were your two-handed experiences
In this rainy summer it is for once nice when I arrive at Volkspark Wilmersdorf by bike. From a distance I can see the many prams standing in the shade under a beautiful, large maple tree. There they are all, the new parents - proud with their babies in their arms. Just a few months ago they were sitting with me in the birth preparation course with great anticipation on the mats and caressing my bellies, which were growing every week. We spent five times two and a half hours together and had fairly intimate conversations. You get to know each other very well in a course like this.
Now all babies have been in the world for a while, the postpartum period is over, and all families have arrived in the new situation. Time for the obligatory baby meeting. * Everyone is very happy to see each other again and of course the babies are admired first. Two women are breastfeeding in the middle of the hustle and bustle, some babies are sleeping, most of them are cuddling in the arms of their mums or dads.
Everyone has come: 16 tall, 8 short people and me. We are full and decide to move to the nearby café, because of course it is starting to rain again. Also, some parents desperately need coffee.
While the children wander from arm to arm (so that some can finally eat something with both hands again), the parents begin to tell about their birth experiences.
Some tell bubbly and with eyes beaming with happiness, some a little more hesitantly (you can tell when everything has to be processed a bit). Everyone was very impressed, of course. Fortunately, it was mostly good experiences that they shared together. And the parents worked well together as a team. This is important, it bonds people together and it also helps with the coming stresses of everyday baby life.
What is shocking is that out of eight couples, three were not admitted to the clinic they originally chose because the delivery rooms were full. They were sent on. Another couple was supposed to be turned away, but the birth went so quickly that the baby was born there anyway. Only four couples were actually able to stay at the place of their choice, but also reported quite a hustle and bustle.
Still, most of them were very happy with their births. “Only” one couple felt compelled to initiate an introduction which ultimately ended in a caesarean section. You are disappointed. Especially since the child wasn't as heavy as predicted, which was the main reason for the introduction.
I really like these baby get-togethers. It's really nice to see each other again after all this time and to marvel at the children. I also really like to see how the curious, sometimes fearful couples have become confident parents. And of course I am always interested in finding out what they took with them from the course into the birth, or what ultimately helped them.
Birth positions & breathing
Everyone was already prepared for the fact that some phases of the birth may have to be survived alone if the delivery room midwife should have little time. And it was the same with almost all of them. It is said several times that trying out the different birthing positions in the course led to remembering them at crucial moments - especially when the midwife was not there to make appropriate suggestions. So the couples tried very hard to find the right upright position for them and to get it right. The women also got along quite well with breathing and sounding - which of course we practiced together.
The support from the partner is said to be extremely helpful. The men knew about their tasks and were really able to accompany their women very well. If there is someone who is there the whole time, exuding calm, breathing, massaging, handing water glasses and motivating you through difficult phases, then that is really incredibly helpful. The women emphasized this again this time.
One father reported, however, that he and his girlfriend were probably just now because they made such a sovereign impression, were left alone a lot. Well, what can I say: The two took it sporty and concluded that everything had to go well for them, otherwise the midwife would have devoted more time to them.
Everything stays different - findings at the baby meeting
And of course everyone shares their experiences with their children. A father tells me with a smile that everything has really changed because of the child. Before, he would not have understood how some couples change so extremely as parents, or at least adapt their way of life in such a way. And he always thought that of course it would be very different with him. That is why he is now extremely lenient with childless friends when they question or even criticize behavior. “You can only understand that when you have a child yourself. You can't know. They have no idea. ”He asks everyone:“ Which of you has not changed anything? ”Everyone shakes their heads. And then he grins broadly and knowingly. "Welcome to the club!"
*For reasons of anonymity, this text was created from several baby meetings. It is a fact that 4 out of 8 women from one of the courses were not admitted to the clinic of their choice. The photo was taken at the last baby meeting and (apart from the location, which happened to be the same) is not related to the text.
Every woman has the right to a positive, self-determined birth experience. I have been helping women to do this since I became a midwife.
I am Jana Friedrich, mother of two children, midwife since 1998 (and since September 2020 with B. Sc. Of Midwifery), blogger since 2012, author of two books, speaker and expert in the field of family. With my expertise, I also support cultural workers, companies and politicians.
In this blog I share with you my knowledge and experience about pregnancy, childbirth, the puerperium and the first year with a baby.
I will provide you with information, advice and “ingredients” for forming an opinion for one of the most exciting adventures in life.
More about me →
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