Strangest person who had a crush on you
Why do you fall in love? 8 surprising reasons
Being in love is one of the greatest feelings you can have. All of life suddenly seems to be perfect and all the problems we've had so far seem like nothing. However, sometimes we can be surprised by who our hearts beat for and we tend to wonder why. How exactly do you fall in love with someone, and above all: Why? Is this emotional process even controllable?
How differently we fall in love
Everyone falls in love in a different way: Some believe in love at first sight and are instantly maddened. For weeks they talk about nothing more than about having found their “absolute dream partner”. Often the quick passion has vanished again, the illusion has given way to reality and the supposed feelings of love have subsided.
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With other people, on the other hand, it takes much longer to really fall in love, especially if you belong to the brain people (like me) and let yourself be guided less by your emotions than your mind. There should also be a difference between the way men fall in love and how women fall in love. So the way is different for everyone, but there are a few factors that can play a role in any kind of love flare-up.
8 reasons: that's why we fall in love
# 1 The partner can meet our needs
How does affection for a person begin? Mostly because we like someone visually. We project our ideal image of a partner onto him and subconsciously think that he can give us exactly what we are looking for. If he then actually has certain characteristics and aspects that are important to us and attract us, we believe that we have found the person who may be the perfect match for us. The time after that will show whether this encounter has potential for more. If we also feel very comfortable with this person, the basis for falling in love is perfect.
# 2 Lots in common
There is a saying that “opposites attract”, but experience has shown that “like and like like to join” simply works better. It doesn't always have to be just common interests that can be a reason why you fall in love. The same views, similar values and similar priorities in life are often the basis of a lasting partnership. Sometimes two people go so well together that they are referred to as soul mates.
# 3 Combination of arousal + matching
It's no secret that partnerships that work well are based on emotional and sexual compatibility. But before sex even occurs, another form of arousal can play a role and lead to falling in love. An adventure we experience together, an exceptional situation, sport or a holiday together (which also explains the often so intense love for vacation) represent times when we are more energized than in the daily grind. Through the perceived excitement or stress, we tend to suddenly find the person closest to us more attractive. If we have anything else in common with her, the attraction increases sharply.
# 4 Long familiarity
Sometimes we fall in love with someone we have known for a long time or who is regularly around us. This is because we can assess him quite well, we know what he likes and also what qualities we like about him. But why, for example, does a friendship suddenly turn into love after years? The reason is often changed living conditions: Were one or both of the partners previously bound, do they now spend more time together than before, or are things and problems that have previously distracted them out of the way?
# 5 hormones
Isn't love often referred to as a hormone cocktail? This claim is no coincidence. Because when we fall in love, three so-called “happiness hormones” have their finger in the game: dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. And as if that weren't enough, there is also the stress hormone adrenaline.
- Dopamine: Being freshly in love is an addiction - you need the other around you all the time, the dopamine level is greatly increased and if the other is not there, it drops and we feel worse.
- Serotonin: A lower serotonin level makes us restless inside, we cannot eat, cannot sleep and only think about the other person. In addition, we also have tunnel vision (yes, love actually makes you blind): Even negative characteristics of the partner are viewed as a sweet quirk, everything he says or does is viewed as positive.
- Oxytocin: The "cuddle hormone" that is released during sex in order to bind us to our partner is to blame that we sometimes fall in love with an affair with which we really just wanted to have something relaxed.
- adrenaline: The butterflies in the stomach, the racing heart and the nervousness of a person in love are the symptoms of positive stress.
# 6 Relationship with parents
One often hears about the so-called father complex, which in some women can actually have a strong influence on the choice of partner. Because our father is usually the first male caregiver we have at all. He shapes our image of a man, which is why it can happen that our partner can show certain similarities with him - be it just the color of the eyes, hair color or stature. It can be more extreme in cases in which a woman suffered as a child or adolescent from a very dominant or even violent parent. According to studies, these actually tend to look for a partner with similar traits later. And if you always longed for the love of your mother or father back then, as an adult you often come across someone who is just as bad at expressing your feelings.
# 7 smell
Everyone excretes pheromones, i.e. sexual attractants. These substances, among other things, decide whether we can “smell” someone or not. If we like its smell, we automatically feel more attracted to it than to someone whose natural scent our nose does not like. The sex hormone testosterone should also have its share in the odor: the more of it is contained in men's sweat, the more attractive it should be to women.
# 8 Loot scheme
Do you find yourself drawn to the same type of man over and over again? Then you probably have a very specific prey scheme, whether consciously or unconsciously. When we meet someone who looks like our ex, we subconsciously suspect similarities and similar traits between these two men. A certain familiarity arises with the person and the basis for a growing affection is given. Especially when we're still a bit attached to our ex, we tend to try to stick to the same pattern instead of being interested in someone outside of our loot scheme.
How being in love can turn into love
While being in love is still an affection “in progress”, that is, in development, love is a solid and long-lasting state. You know your partner with all his facets and have learned to accept them. If you are in love, it can quickly go in all directions: The affection can flatten or even grow stronger.
When the nasty interplay of hormones has subsided and the honeymoon phase is over, it shows whether the chosen partner really suits us and whether the feelings of love can endure. This is usually the case after about six months - an important point in a relationship. Are the similarities and the attraction enough, are we ready together to work on ourselves and our relationship when there are problems? Can I imagine a future together with him? Does he bring out the person I always wanted to be in me? All of these questions now come up one by one and require an early answer and if this is "yes", then both partners have the chance to be happy with each other in the long term. A well-functioning relationship goes through these stages over time:
One thing is certain: falling in love is a subconscious process that can only be influenced to a limited extent. Whether we fall in love at all and how quickly that happens depends on various factors: Whether we are ready to get involved with someone, or whether we put barriers in our own way through negative experiences and old fears and suppress any feelings of love out of caution. But when we do fall in love, we seldom attribute it to pragmatic or measurable reasons: We are simply in love and that is the best thing of all.
iStock / Getty Images Plus / Image Source, iStock / Getty Images Plus / Tom Merton, iStock / Getty Images Plus / william87, iStock / Getty Images Plus / Siri Stafford, iStock / Getty Images Plus / Digital Vision.
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