Should I speak to my ex crush
4 questions to ask your partner about their ex
When getting to know someone new, the good old rule of thumb is not to talk too much about your ex relationships. Otherwise the impression quickly arises that one has not yet got over the ex. You shouldn't talk badly about your former partners either. That usually doesn't go down well with the new acquaintance, after all, they can then imagine how they'll be dragged on later if the worst comes to the worst.
But once you're together and the excitement is over, there are a few things that should be discussed. Because the past life of your new partner, whom you are only just getting to know, says a lot about him and about what you both could expect in the future. Especially if your newcomer is still in contact with his ex or is even friends, you certainly have a question or two, right?
So here are a few questions to ask your new favorite person:
1. Are you still in contact with your ex?
Quite a legitimate question, because if he still has contact with his ex, possibly friendly ones, then you will meet her sooner or later. Especially if his circle of friends is also your circle of friends. Then you are practically the new one, who is initially viewed critically by everyone.
But don't worry. Of course, there may be people who saw their ex and your partner as a dream couple and who mourn their time. But the fact is: the relationship between the two is history because it failed. And now he loves you and wants you by his side. So stay calm and relaxed and meet your friends (and your ex!) In an open and friendly manner.
2. Who broke up with whom?
Sounds totally stupid and clichéd. But it is well worth considering who broke up with whom. Because then you can already assess a little better who might still be attached to whom, whether your boyfriend's ex could still feel something for him or maybe he for her.
If the two of them separated amicably, for example because they simply grew apart, this is certainly the best solution for you. Then nobody is mad at the other and everything sounds relaxed.
3. How did the relationship fail?
This question should be of interest to you mainly because here a danger for your relationship may become predictable and you can better protect yourself from it. Not that you're falling into the same relationship trap.
Have both grown apart? Was it jealousy or flirting with others? Was it a quarrel over his family or his job? Whatever it is, it is good to be aware of these problems. This will protect you from repeating the same mistakes he made with his ex.
4. What role does your ex still play in your life now?
This question is of course especially important if there are children from the previous relationship. In this case, the former partner is also part of your life - irrevocably. This requires a sober consideration of the situation and empathy. Patchwork families are a great structure when everyone pulls together and everyone shows a little consideration for each other.
If there are no common children, a common company, a common house or a dog, then further contact is purely friendly and voluntary. But even in this case (or especially then) it is interesting for you which role the ex takes on for your partner. Is it the circumstances, e.g. a mutual group of friends, or does it have emotional reasons? Here you can feel it on the tooth.
Even if he admits that he still has feelings for her, that doesn't mean he still loves her and wants to be with her. The fact is, you remember: he is with you because he wants you by his side.
Ex or not: You should always keep that in mind and act confidently and calmly. Don't make your ex a red cloth in your relationship, but treat her calmly, respectfully and confidently. It always pays off.
Is he the right one? This is how you recognize a dream man!Video by Sarah Glaubach
You might also be interested in:
Butterflies & holes in the stomach: the nicest questions to get to know
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It's complicated: Why the relationship status cannot always be clearly defined
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