Why are rich girls so hot

The VICE Guide to Dating Rich Girls

All photos by Dana Boulos Rich girls are hot because their mothers are hot. But they're also crazy because their fathers are inbred sociopaths with Nazi fetishes. That makes the experience of dating one of them for a short period of time an excitingly weird mix of prescription pills, afternoon naps, crazy arguments, depressing music, room service, therapists, tattoos that cost more than a car, jetlag, and guest lists. That will be fun!

But they will not stay there forever, because they are genetically predisposed to reproduce with their own kind. But as long as you realize that you are nothing more than a filler in the blank, something can come of the whole thing.

Timing is everything. There is a point in the life of every rich girl where she stops taking pocket money from her dad and prefers to steal it from her wallet. Now you strike. That is the short window of time in which you have a chance. The first step is to find out which bars and clubs these girls go to regularly. One of the rich girl's favorite activities is to go out and watch other rich people pretend they're poor watch them play in bands. A good way to track them down is to check out who's playing next in the area, then research the bands online and see if you come across names like Jonathan, Theodor, or Friedrich. This is where you will find gold.

You have nothing to offer a rich girl except that you are a little less wealthy than her. So ring your ranks as if it were a conscious choice of an alternative lifestyle. You have to pull it up like Basquiat or Leo in Titanic, Wearing gloves without fingers, squinting your eyes and saying things like, "Listen, I meet a bunch of people with money, but what have they achieved in their lives?" Of course, it will be quite difficult to say that and looking another person in the eye without flinching, but you get used to it. Just keep in mind that their entire concept of what rebellion is is based on Dickens novels and James Franco's tweets. The urban Equivalent to this is similarly promising: shave patterns in your eyebrows, claim you sell cocaine on a small scale, and are essentially their parents' nightmare.

YOUR HOUSE

Yes, your place is not bad. Get over it. The most important rule is NEVER ask her how much she is paying for the apartment. I know it's fun to figure out how many times more expensive it is than your shared room, or figure out how many hours you would have to work to pay even a month's rent, but don't. a) Her parents pay everything, she has not the slightest damn premonition. And b) stay the fuck cool. Pretend you're so used to all the luxury that you haven't even noticed that she has a remote control for the curtains. Just shut up, sit back and watch Sky.

Provided you are not an indescribably terrible person, you will feel like the worst person in the world for dating a girl with your own maid; like the conscientious son of a plantation owner. Every fiber of your body will want to carry the plate to the sink by itself or say things like, "Leave it alone, I'll do it." But do you remember those scenes from nature documentaries when the lion tears up the gazelle and David Attenborough says, " It may seem terrifying to us, but it's the natural cycle of things. "? That's how you have to see it. And if it's still beating you up, remember that the maid you feel so sorry about lives in a bigger house than you do (even if she doesn't own it and she's going to be kicked out for the receipt for the missing silverware that you traded for drug money).

First, you will want to sleep with your mother because her mother will look like your mother's EXACT OPPOSITE. She will smell whatever incense smells. In any case, she will immediately see through what you are, namely "just a phase". Maybe she will even delight you both with a story about how she once had something with a "punk rocker with a motorcycle" before she "met Daddy "which is basically a nice way of saying:" Lilli is going to marry Sebastian and your days are numbered, asshole. "

The father is worse. He knows all of your disgusting needs because he survives by having anal sex with Polish women whom he has delivered to his hotel. The other problem with dads is rich girls flirt with their daddies until it's obscene. You may feel uncomfortable about it. get over it

Two things. Number one: Compared to their school friends, your pals will look like Xatar. Number two: She's not going to hang out with her school friends anymore, but with a traveling collective of models, drug dealers, guys with guitars, guys with clubs, underage alternative pop stars, and really old guys who knew Joe Strummer. You will hate them. Even so, your own friends will try very hard to fuck all the models.

Rich girls have been taking drugs since the age of three. If you think a 16-year-old can't get drunk under the table or put away larger amounts of coke, speed or anything else than you can, you are wrong. Heath Ledger, John Belushi, River Phoenix - I guarantee you they all died trying to take on rich girls. No normal person who grew up with dirt grass and wine can compete with a person who is the result of neuroses, privilege, pressure, and those diet pills made up of Chinese babies.

IMPORTANT! Remember, some of them WANT to be caught. So, if you start laying lines in the subway station and it looks like it's really fun to take part, don't do it! You will be able to afford good lawyers (or even judges). Not you.

The first thing you need to know about all rich girls is that they lost their virginity at a scary young age. That means they are all crazy. The reason they all have sex so early is because they want to be models and are surrounded by bastards whose morals vanished with the last pill of Ritalin and who are so used to getting what they want it to border on psychosis. Basically, these young, wonderful women got fucked up. And that means you probably have to have threesomes and deal with the fact that she's walking around in nothing but a bra while her Swedish boyfriend talks about their collaborative literature project. Speaking of ...

You have to deal with that too. You have to endure your rich girl reading Knut Hamsun on her roof terrace. And she'll know male models, and great God, do you have any idea how desperate these people are to let everyone know how stupid they aren't? They never stop there.

At some point in the relationship, despite her pretentious bohemian demeanor and cross-border art projects, you'll find that she's a conservative. Watch out for treacherous opinions like "Well, I don't see why I should give all my money to other people." And "Dad didn't live off the support, he went out and started a company."

Yes it will destroy you. You will never be satisfied with public transport again. You may not quit school / your job, but you will get so bad at it that they will likely kick you out. Intolerable drug use? Yep! Ditched all old friends? Sure, of course! Started wearing 4,000 euro denim jackets? WHO WOULD NOT DO THAT?

You knew from day one that it would come this way. But God, you don't want to give up all of this. You'll cry and bitch and get addicted to heroin, but you'll never convince her not to leave. People like her don't really care about other people. Your family is buying land; yours till it. I'm sorry buddy, you're going to have to meet women again who don't even have a walk-in closet.

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